The power of an apology

It's hard to say "I'm sorry." Why is that? Is it a sense of ego? Pride? Fear of being seen as less than perfect?

For a long time, those in the medical profession who have made a mistake have been counseled to not apologize to their patients. The advice has traditionally been "deny and defend."

This mindset is changing.

The New York Times highlighted a significant change in the way the medical community is handling mistakes. Many institutions, such as the University of Michigan, the University of Illinois, and Harvard, are now taking the approach that instead of hiding behind mistakes, medical professions and their institutions should immediately inform the patient of the mistake, apologize, and try to correct the situation.

Those hospitals incorporating the full disclosure and apology model are finding that the number of lawsuits they are facing are down, the amounts paid to patients are down, and the better communication allows processes to be enacted so that the likelihood of the same mistake happening again are diminished.

The power of an apology--and full disclosure--has ramifications in all walks of life, not just in the medical field. Conflict resolution professionals know that a major cause for conflict, whether in the home, in the church, or in the workplace, typically starts and continues because of poor communication.

And, while it is tough to apologize, most folks are reasonable folks, know that mistakes happen (we are all human, after all), and an apology can help diffuse the anger that exists between the parties.

Of course, some legal professionals don't like apologies because it implies guilt or liability that could be used against the "apologizer" later in court, and that's a valid concern. That's why, according to the Times, 34 states have "enacted laws making apologies for medical errors inadmissible in court". Apologies should always be inadmissible in court.

I've been in mediations where I know an apology would do wonders, but folks will not issue two simple words: "I'm sorry" (okay, that may be three words with the contraction; I'm a peacemaker, not an English major). Instead, they'd rather spend months or years in court and spend thousands of dollars in fees and lost productivity than say "I'm sorry."

Certainly there may be the instance where one clearly has not done anything for which to apologize, but in my experience, conflict typically takes two to tango, and an apology, along with a good neutral facilitator, can help transform the apology into a settlement.